The Story of Us
Ten years of memories makes it difficult to condense a love story into one web page.
So, we’re sharing some of our favorites, song by song, to tell the story of who we are and how we got here.
For the first few, we’ll give our full-on memories, after that, we’ll leave you to interpret the rest.
We hope you’ll listen to this playlist and come to enjoy these songs as much as we have.
“It’s Been a Long, Long Time” - R &Sj
“You'll never know how many dreams I dream about you/ Or just how empty they all seem without you/ So, kiss me once, then kiss me twice/ Then kiss me once again/ It's been a long, long time”
While this song has been a favorite of ours for, well, a long, long time, it’s one that we feel is especially relevant now. We may have known from the beginning that we would eventually stand at the altar and profess to love each other ‘til death do us part, but we couldn’t have imagined where that journey would take us over the past 10 years. And, frankly, we’re just really excited to be here.
“Enchanted (Taylor’s Version)” - Sj
“This is me praying that/ This was the very first page/ Not where the story line ends/ My thoughts will echo your name, until I see you again/ These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too soon/ I was enchanted to meet you”
I’m a life-long yearner and dreamer (sadly, no cure), made evident by the first time I heard “Enchanted.” I was 15-years-old, burrowed far beneath the covers of my twin bed, my corded headphones tangled in my hair as I listened to Taylor Swift’s brand new album, “Speak Now.” In the quiet of that ordinary moment, as the world went on around me, I felt the extraordinary hope of the universe in my very bones.
The next time I felt the world tilt on its side in that way was, of all things, standing in line for a roller coaster, staring up into the eyes of a person I had known for two days. But a yearner knows. A dreamer has spent so much time dreaming, they can sense these things. And I was so, so enchanted to meet Ryan.
“Invisible String” - R
“Time, curious time/ Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs/ Were there clues I didn't see?/ And isn't it just so pretty to think/ All along there was some/ Invisible string/ Tying you to me?”
There has always been an invisible string tying me to Sarajane. We played on the same beaches as children, attended the same Harry Potter fan club at Books-A-Million, had our friend circles overlap multiple times, and had our lives intersect in so many other ways. Somehow, through all of that, it took us 20 years to meet. Looking back, it is truly astonishing we didn’t meet sooner. I think it's because I have always done “life” at a different pace than everyone else – but now that all makes sense. My pace was dictated by that invisible string tying me to Sarajane, allowing me to meet her at the perfect intersection of our lives.
“Begin Again (Taylor’s Version)” - Sj
“'Cause you throw your head back laughing/ Like a little kid/ I think it's strange that you think I'm funny, 'cause/ He never did/ I've been spending the last eight months/ Thinking all love ever does/ Is break and burn, and end/ But on a Wednesday in a cafe/ I watched it begin again”
I remember listening to this song over and over again driving my parents’ red minivan through the winding roads of the North Woods of Wisconsin. I met Ryan chaperoning middle schoolers on a four-day trip to Disney World, by the end of which we were “a thing.” The next day, I left for a two-week road trip with my entire family. I spent most of 21-hour car ride texting Ryan (a change my brother Ray cornered me about one day because, as he said, “you never text anyone.”) And on days when service at our cabin was on the fritz, I commandeered my parents’ van for any reason I could to get to the McDonald’s 30 minutes away so I could use the Wifi to text Ryan and then feverishly text my best friend Becky about what Ryan was texting me. All that being said, this time of my life was my “Begin Again.” For those two weeks, this precious “thing” of ours felt like a small fire in my palm. I wanted to cradle it, hold it close to my face and feel its warmth, but not so close that I might get burned. I was afraid. But as I brought myself closer and closer to the flame, I never felt pain. Ryan is all the warmth with none of the burn.
“I’m Going to Go Back There Someday” - R
“There's not a word yet/ For old friends who've just met/ Part heaven, part space/ Or have I found my place/ You can just visit/ But I plan to stay/ I'm going to go back there / Someday
This song has been a constant through line in our relationship. It has been important enough that I even included it in my proposal speech. In my mind, Sarajane and I truly were old friends who just met. We hit it off so well that when Sarajane asked me a few weeks into our relationship, “What are we?” I was nonplussed. Without giving it any more thought I said “I’ve been telling everyone you're my girlfriend.” If anyone asks me for advice about how to come to that decision, I would tell them you can’t decide something like that unilaterally. Yet, when I found my place, I planned to stay. I wouldn’t do any of it differently.
“I Really Like You” - Sj
“Who gave you eyes like that?/ Said you could keep them/ I don't know how to act/ Or if I should believe them/ I'm running out of time/ Going out of my mind/ I need to tell you something/ I really, really, really, really, really, really like you”
I remember one night, probably three months into our relationship, softly singing these words to Ryan, ending in, “I'm running out of time, going out of my mind, I need to tell you something…” there was an expectant silence in the air before I grabbed his face and sang at full volume “I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE YOU.”
I told him I loved him later that night.
“Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” - R
“But if you feel like I feel/ Please let me know that it's real/ You're just too good to be true/ Can't take my eyes off of you”
I was going through a tumultuous time when I started dating Sarajane. I was quite unwilling to open up to new people, so when I did so quickly with Sarajane, I was terrified. I knew I wanted to spend my life with her, but I was terrified of messing it up. In the beginning, each time I revealed the parts of my soul that were wounded or I was ashamed of, Sarajane would look into my eyes, make me feel truly seen, and say she loved me.
“Wouldn’t It Be Nice” - Sj
“Wouldn't it be nice if we were older?/ Then we wouldn't have to wait so long/ And wouldn't it be nice to live together/ In the kind of world where we belong?/ You know it's gonna make it that much better/ When we can say goodnight and stay together/ Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up/ In the morning when the day is new?/ After having spent the day together/ Hold each other close the whole night through”
Even with its bouncy Beach Boys guitar riffs, “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” is a really sad song. I get it, though. It’s the heart-wrenching sadness of knowing you’re with the person you want to be with for the rest of your life, but time and circumstances aren’t catching up. It’s that juxtaposition of the elation of being together followed by the sadness of saying goodbye. Whether it’s when you’re 20 and still have four (or six) years of school to get through, barely enough money to buy peanut butter and jelly for yourselves and discount kibble for the dog, or when you’re 25 and you move across the country and you’re alone and sad and really, really cold. Wouldn’t it be nice if we were older and we didn’t have to wait so long? Wouldn’t it be nice if we could wake up in the morning when the day is new? And after having spent the day together, hold each other close the whole night through?
It is nice. It’s so nice.
“All Your’n” - R
“Fried morels and fine hotels and all that in the middle/ Every bite, and curtain drawn, I wanna taste with you/ The goddess in my Days Inn pen/ The muse I ain't refusing/ The part of me that ain't around/ I'm always talking to”
I have always known that Sarajane is a catch, and I’ve always striven to keep that catch – not always in the most fiscally responsible ways, mind you. I was an all-but-broke, part-time employee and college student, when I decided It was a great idea to almost empty my bank account to take a trip to Disney World. By the time we left, I had just enough money left to buy us two pub subs and Arizona iced teas. That's as close as one can get to “fried morels and fine hotels” without actually cooking mushrooms you found on the side of the road.
“Sweet Nothing” - Sj
“They said the end is coming', everyone's up to something/ I find myself running home to your sweet nothings/ Outside, they're push and shoving, you're in the kitchen humming/ All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing”
This is Ryan. It was confusing at first, trying so hard to earn his love. I tried to impress him, only to find that the moments when I was red-faced and heaving with sobs, snot running from my nose, or when I was angry and ranting and raving, or bossy and demanding, or caught in an embarrassing moment or just plain ugly, he still looked at me the same way he did when I was in my little black dress or on stage performing or making people laugh. Well that’s not fair, I thought, how am I supposed to earn your love if you just give it so freely all the time? But as the years went on and Ryan continued to love me unconditionally, I realized what a safe haven looks like. When I come home from a day of trying to change the world, Ryan is there. And whether I changed the world or not (and most days I have not), all that he wants from me is just me.
“The End” - R
“Looked into her eyes and I could see myself/ Slow motion/ Frozen, toast to this moment/ Like there is no morning, like there is no mourning”
This is what it feels like when I’m with Sarajane. She sometimes, jokingly, calls me her ‘human Xanax’, but she doesn’t know that she is also mine. When I am with her, the rest of the world fades away. There is no morning, because now is all that matters. There is no mourning, because nothing can be bad when I’m with her.
“Strangers” - Sj
“Time stands still and it's only us/ What we feel started way before we ever touched/ Just imagine only us/ You found me right before I'd given up/ I just saw the lightning strike/ Knew it right then when I looked in your eyes/ And I said to myself, "It's no surprise we ain't strangers"/ Strangers tonight/ Must be from a different life/ Been here before and it just feels right/ No, this ain't the first time for you and I, we ain't strangers/ Strangers tonight”
When people ask me what first attracted me to Ryan (other than the warm brown eyes, incredible hair and hockey player shoulders), I tell them it’s how comfortable I was with him. From day one, we were singing in the car together. When we led a group of 50 or more middle schoolers around Disney I remember marveling – we made a great team. We call ourselves “old friends who just met,” but that doesn’t really capture that lightning strike feeling of finding the person you love above all others in this lifetime and any that came before or any that may come next.
“Beauty Learns a Thing” - R
“Apple of your daddy’s eye/ Granny says, you got to hold her tight/ ‘Cause beauty learns a thing when she comes around.”
Sarajane is the kind of person you have to hold tightly when you start loving them – not because she’s going to run away or slip your grasp, but because she is so well loved by everyone. Everyone who gets to know her absolutely adores her. Sarajane has a certain magnetism that draws people to her, and she makes everyone feel welcome. Her heartfelt kindness, passion for life, and the sense of warmth you feel in her presence make her the most beautiful person I know (and that hair and those eyes certainly help.) You could say “beauty learns a thing when she comes around.”
“Still Into You” - R & Sj
“I should be over all the butterflies/ But I'm into you (I'm into you)/ And, baby, even on our worst nights/ I'm into you (I'm into you)/ Let 'em wonder how we got this far/ 'Cause I don't really need/ to wonder at all/ Yeah, after all this time/ I'm still into you/ Some things just, some things just make sense/ And one of those is you and I/ Some things just, some things just make sense/ And even after all this time/ I'm into you/ Baby, not a day goes by that I'm not into you”
Not a day goes by.
